Gnesting

Ah, ptice selivke.
Vsakič, ko odletijo v drugi dom, se srečajo z istimi vprašanji: Ali bo gnezdo še tam? Kaj pa črvi v tistem kupu zemlje? Ali je drevo dovolj zraslo, da ne bo mogel maček do nas? Ker letos si še ne moremo privoščiti selitve v novo duplo. Mogoče drugo leto. Pa spet so nam termiti vse listje pozobali. Zaradi mokre zime je pa novo čisto gnilo. Pa tanov kombajn pri sosedu je, nobena slama več ne leži naokoli, hmmm... Bo duplo zamakalo? Bo jajčkom toplo?
Ni, da bi jim zavidal.

Crash course v urejanju doma v Dublinu.
1. Kje boš spal?
2. Vse ostalo.

Poglejmo si prvo vprašanje. Na prvi pogled je preprosto. Saj imajo hostle al kaj so že. Pa hotele. Sploh so pa Irci tako gostoljubni, ane?
Pojdimo po vrsti. Irska je najbolj ameriško obarvana država EU, in Dublin v marsičem spominja na Boston. Kar pomeni, da boš seveda imel kje spat, za pravo ceno. Hotelska soba te hitro spravi na beraško palico, zato si je treba poiskati kako dolgoročnejšo rešitev. Najem sobe ali stanovanja torej.

Da bi najel stanovanje, ni dovolj samo debela denarnica in poznavanje okoliša.
Treba je imeti še cel kup papirjev:
- potrdilo o zaposlitvi
- potrdilo o bančnem računu
- reference prejšnjih stanodajalcev
Ko enkrat spraviš vse to skupaj, ko se landlord odloči, da si dovolj zanesljive sorte (po veliko dobrikanja in prilizovanja s tvoje strani), končno pljuneš velike količine denarja in podpišeš najemno pogodbo, in dobiš irski naslov.

Problem je, da potrdila o zaposlitvi ne moreš dobiti brez irskega naslova.
Brez naslova in davčne številke ne moreš odpreti računa v banki.
Davčne številke (PPS No.) ne moreš dobiti brez naslova in potrdila o zaposlitvi.
Irskega naslova ne dobiš brez potrdila o zaposlitvi, bančnega računa in PPS.

Kavelj 22.

Kako se izvleči iz njega?
1. Če te v službi hočejo, ti že napišejo neko potrdilo.
2. Če zbereš reference in to pismo, ter prepričaš landlorda, ti odobri naslov.
3. Ko maš naslov, greš na davkarijo po PPS.
4. s PPS in vsem ostalim v banko.
5. nato v službo, kjer dobiš Employee record, email, ID, stol, mizo, srp in kladivo.
6. In končno nazaj na davkarijo, da urediš VSE ostale formularje. Ki ti, če ostaneš slovenski davčni rezident, prav nič ne hasnejo. Simič te dobi v roke tko ali drugače.
Ampak to je že druga zgodba.


Sledi: Kako do interneta? Zakaj televizija ne dela? Kaj narediti z alarmom, ki začne piskati opolnoči? Kaj pa, če začne pralni stroj bruhati peno po celi kuhinji? Kje kupiti povšter, kovter, brisače, rjuhe, fen, metlo, likalnik, likalno desko, sesalec, obešalnike, žarnice, kruh in mleko, in kako ta kup robe spraviti iz mesta domov - brez avta?
A suivre!

Boj na poziralniku

Dragi moji,

Glede na ton in izgled danasnjega zapisa ste gotovo ugotovili, da sem gotovo spet nekje zaglavil. Tokrat za spremembo ni letalisce, je pa neka druga prijazno neosebna masovna skatla za procesiranje nasih dus. Kjer se guma sreca z asfaltom. Kjer se mozje locijo od deckov in clovek od svojega ugleda. Samo dve besedi, ki opisujeta neskoncno brezno, cez rob katerega nam je tu dano zreti, in ki ga vedno znova polnimo z upanjem.

Upravna enota.

Se je tudi vam najezila dlaka na tilniku?
Med polurnim racunalniskim mrkom se nas je namrec nabrala prava mnozica nesrecnikov. Prosto po Mateju Boru, En sam milijon, ki ga trpljenje krotovici, a vendar ga nikoli ne unici!

Cas je, da zamenjam osebo izkaznico. Kaj hocemo, minila so leta mojega breskrbnega zastrasevanja nic hudega slutecih policijskih uradnikov z bradato in brkato sliko v stilu Carlosa. Kratko pristrizena frizura, ki pristoji sodobnim mozakarjem. Modrost, ocitno skrita v obraznih gubah. Izkusnje, ki prosevajo iz podocnjakov. No, mogoce je kak tatu premalo. Se dobro, da v blizini ni talent skavtov za katerega od orto mobilnih operaterjev.

Zdaj sem pa na vrsti. Drzite mi pesti!

Lep pariški dan

Med tem, ko čakam na to, da se bo svet počasi naložil v stilu matrice II, sedim v majhnem cafeju na krožišču nedaleč od centra Issy-les-Moulineauxa. Mestece je Pariz praktično pogoltnil, povezal vase s podzemno in razen imena obiskovalcu nič drugega ne namiguje na to, da ni navadno predmestje Pariza.

Znajo pa domačini namigniti druge stvari. Recimo to, da v malem bistroju pred mojim hotelom z dvema zvezdicama ne strežejo samo pijače. Za svoj, z nečloveško zgodnjim bujenjem krvavo zasluženim caffe au lait, sem moral stegniti krake tja do naslednjega križišča. Prav tako je bilo poučno tudi bližnje srečanje z dvema zvezdicama v hotelu. Nekadilska soba tu pomeni, da jo zate posebej dobro prezračijo (ali pa tudi ne). Prijazni lastnik se je celo potrudil z mano v sobo in mi pomirjujoče zagotovil, Monsieur, c'est normal, ça! Takla mamo, po tolkla pa je.

Ampak le brez strahu. Dve sladki kockici v moji beli kavi (4 EUR) zagotavljata, da se bo moje popoldne kmalu obrnilo na bolje. Saj sem vendar takorekoč v prestolnici kulture, ne? Muzeji, razstave, svet mi leži pred nogami! Ko bi vsaj kak dan prej naredil tisto prezentacijo za jutri. Tako pa...

Ah, revenons Paris!

Dokoncnost

Dragi moji,

oglasa se vam vas ljubi Pegas Turistik, tokrat sveze s kraja dogajanja, from the face of the place kao sto bi rekli nasi prijatelji Englezi. Stojim namrec pri enem od dveh zmatranih veteranskih a kot kraski bor kljubujocih internet terminalov v cakalnici na Brniku. Kdo jih ne pozna? Kdo od vas se ni praskal cigumija izmed f-ja in g-ja, ali potiho zaklinjal kroglico, ki se je odlocila, da kazalec ta dan posilja samo gor in dol? No, pri ene od njiju stojim, bogatejsi za dve globoki spoznanji.

1. Terminala imata na dotik obcutljiva zaslona. (Miska? Kroglica? Cemu?)
2. Ko enkrat cekiras prtljago, that's it, buddy boy. Ne verjemite prijaznemu stricu v slacilnici (sans kabine), da boste steklenico, ki se vam je v jutranji megli zavesti zapakirala v rocno prtljago ("HA! Tokrat ne bom padel na isto finto, da zacnejo prodajat vin sele ob sedmih! SVOJGA bom nesel!") lahko nesli nazaj v kovcek. Nak, ne boste ga. Licna micna gospodicna s koscem zeleza v levi obrvi in posledicno jeklenim pogledom ter vljudnim nasmehom nordijske boginje, ki reze do kosti ("A la Garminov sarkasticni Preracunavam") pove, da to ZAL (pajade!) ni mogoce. Ko enkrat prtjaga izgine v crevcih letalisca, je to to.

In tako bomo s Szilvio, Jamelom in Zoro ob vecerji pili francoskega.

Zdaj me pa glas boginje klice k izhodu. Lep let!

Sopotniki: Pearls Before Swine

vir: Comics.com

Stephan Pastis' Pearls Before Swine. Kdo ve, ali bo krokodilom uspelo pojesti Zebro?
Strupen humor. Not for the faint of heart.

Declaration of Revocation of Independence

Source

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In light of your failure to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas , which she does not fancy).

Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Colony, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.
2. Then look up aluminium, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
3. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the suffix -ise.
   Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
4. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell- checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.
   
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen.
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
   
9. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent.
1. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
2. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you European cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)-roughly $10 per US gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
14. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.
15. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie McDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
16. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). Don't try Rugby - the South Africans and Kiwis will thrash you, like they regularly thrash us.
17. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is hardly played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is aworld beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learncricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
18. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
19. An official from Her Majesty's Inland Revenue (i.e. tax collector) will be with you shortly to ensure the collection of all monies due (backdated to 1776). Until these are paid, there will be no representative government in the USA, in line with the policy: 'No representation without taxation'.
20. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups and saucers (never mugs), and with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;strawberries in season.
21. Some tea has gone missing, and we expect it back. We'll be searching Boston first.

God save the Queen.
Source1, Source2

Climate You Change

Source

A few years ago, I was invited to a national climate policy roundtable, as a representative of a large energy producer. (Actually, it was my boss who was invited, but I got to go there anyway). I was seated to a raised podium, with several environmentalists, members of NGOs and journalists. The discussion was heading the wrong way, big energy lobbies were the culprits of all the bad things that happen in the world and suddenly I felt like the Nick Naylor character in the movie Thank You for Smoking. The prevailing theme was, "Let the polluter pay!", with all eyes turned towards me.

After a barrage of speeches, it was finally my turn: "You're right. The polluter must pay. But who is the polluter? It is you. And me. Every time you open the refrigerator, turn on the TV, or the air conditioner. Every time you open a youghurt, or start your car. The only way we can change things is to start with ourselves."

In my opinion, burning fossil fuels for production of electricity is a sin: we should use renewables, if possible, and spare fossil fuel for other industries. On the other hand, changing our industry and investing in renewable or low-carbon technology does not only bring costs, but also enables us to make a quantum leap towards higher energy efficiency of our industry and smaller share of energy in our products.

Can you do it? Do you think twice before turning on the second an the third light? How much hot water do you spend? Do you choose bicycle over car, take public transport or even walk short distances? What kind of lightbulbs do you use?
... or is electricity (energy) still too cheap?